3 Really Bad Ways to Resolve Conflict

mMaybe you grew up in a loving home with parents who never fought. Or maybe you saw fights all along. Perhaps it was TV shows featuring married couples that gave you an idea of ​​what conflict looks like. You might think that the couples who never fight have the healthiest relationships.

Conflicts are bound to arise in your marriage. But what matters is how you deal with it. If you learn to deal well with conflict, you can get closer. Unfortunately, many couples never learn how to deal with problems. They live their lives in a constant stream of unhealthy conflict resolution. Learn these 3 really bad ways to resolve conflict so you don't repeat it in your marriage.

1. Give him time.

If you want to heal a physical injury, time often helps. But when it comes to the most serious injuries, it's not just time that heals. They require everything from surgeries to rehabilitation to ongoing care and conditioning. It is no different with conflicts. If you think just taking your time and doing nothing else will resolve a conflict, like a serious injury, it will only make it worse.

Ephesians 4:26 says, "Do not let the sun go down on your anger." When there is a conflict between two people, waiting to address it rarely helps. So when conflict arises, it is a time for confession, repentance, and seeking forgiveness to restore the relationship. It's an opportunity to confront unhealthy attitudes and behaviors. Whether it's your fault or your spouse's, be the one who initiates conversation about the conflict instead of just letting the time pass. Until you find a solution, the conflict will fester, grow, and rear its ugly head again.

2. Pretend it doesn't exist.

Of all the bad ways to resolve conflict, avoidance can be the one that upsets your spouse the most. Imagine you have a conflict, but then you pretend everything is fine for days, weeks, or months. That might be easier for a while, but that doesn't create a real, connected relationship. Pretending nothing bothers you — or pretending nothing bothers your spouse — will only separate you.

Instead of pretending there is no conflict in your relationship, acknowledge it. And be clear about your desire to solve it. With busy schedules, this can mean choosing a time when you can best solve the problem. It's not about letting things go, it's about making sure both spouses feel cared for and heard -- and making both spouses adaptable. I believe that many marriages fail because couples stop talking about problems. Over time, the ignored problems pile up, eventually reaching a seemingly insurmountable point.

3. Punish your spouse until he or she changes.

When a spouse is wrong, many of us "help" him or her see the error in his or her ways. Some spouses even make each other pay by applying penalties. But spouses should not punish each other. This may be the easiest way to deal with conflict, but if you remain silent, yell, verbally abuse, or even leave during an argument, you won't resolve the conflict—you will prolong it.

If this is your way of dealing with conflict, you should know how to communicate better. Work on being a good listener, speak the truth in love, always be respectful, and be clear in your communication and desires. Resolving conflicts requires practice and experience. And it's not easy. But it's worth it.

What are some other bad ways to resolve conflict? Share in a comment.

By: 3 Really Bad Ways to Resolve Conflict