9 Times to Listen to Your Wife

OOne of the funniest human reactions is "double vision," that exaggeratedly delayed response when we look in one direction, look away while our brain notices something that catches us off guard, and then dart our eyes back in that direction in surprise (well, huh bad). For me, it mostly happens when I don't immediately recognize the importance, danger, or significance of an otherwise inconspicuous moment. But as my brain catches up, my ears and eyes start to focus quickly!

The same can happen in our marriages. Sometimes when our wives say something important to them, we think, "I've heard that before!" or "Here we go again!" and our brain goes on autopilot. But we are at our healthiest when we actually hear the words of our wives and in our minds do a double take and carefully consider what they said. Here are 9 times to listen to your wife - if what she says should keep you on track and make you think before you act.

When she says, "Will you do that again?"

You might be tempted to ask, "Are you nagging me again?" But the better answer is to draw attention to a problem that's clearly becoming a sore point. Sore spots that we leave unattended in a relationship can become deeper wounds.

When she says, "You have to..."

You might be tempted to take this as a requirement, but it's often a comment on your availability and attention to what's going on. The better response is to offer your help with something you may not have noticed.

When she says, "Where are you?"

You may be tempted to be defensive, but listen to your wife. It helps you recognize when you are physically present but mentally elsewhere. Or maybe your location is really unknown because she's out of date. The better answer is to give her your undivided attention or keep her updated on your schedule.

When she says, "What's the matter with you lately?"

You may be tempted to keep your mouth shut, especially when you're feeling blamed or struggling with an issue or some emotions you're trying to process. The better response is to be vulnerable, accept her invitation, and share what's brewing inside. She will most likely be more grateful than you can imagine.

When she says, "Are you listening?"

You may be tempted to take this question literally and just repeat what she said. It can also sound accusatory, and sometimes it is. But the better answer is to see this question as if you understand it, not just if you are listening to it. Help her know you want to "get" her instead of just hearing her. If you listen to your wife, you will become a better listener.

When she says, "You're missing that."

You may be tempted to dismiss this as an overreaction, which is usually said when you seem distracted to her. This sometimes happens to me when I have a screen that eats away at my concentration. The better response is to stop what you're doing and ask her to repeat something she needs to share and give her your full attention.

When she says, "You don't hear me."

You might be tempted to hear this based on how well your ears are working. It is not. It measures how well you pick up what it puts down. She may sense that you are downplaying, dismissing, or denying her experiences. The better response is to ask clarifying questions and respect her feelings and experiences, even if you don't always agree with her.

When she says, "I feel like you don't appreciate me."

You may be tempted to take this as an emotional charge in the heat of the moment. The better answer is to put aside all guesswork about what you think she means and ask her a few questions to learn what exactly is leading her to that conclusion (e.g., lack of validation, lack of gratitude, lack of shared Time).

When she says, "I'm unhappy."

As with so many of these comments, don't resist the temptation to dismiss them. Is this a long-term or short-term dissatisfaction? Is this something you can help with or something you just need to understand better? The best response is to help her feel safe sharing her heart, gently ask her questions so you understand, and listen before you speak.

All those duplicate, eye-popping comments are actually gifts. It may not feel like it right now, but when your woman says these things, she helps you move beyond the status quo in your relationship and build trust and intimacy. So listen to your wife. That may be uncomfortable at times, but it's worth the investment.

What makes it easy for you and what makes it difficult for you to listen to your wife? Share in a comment.

By: 9 Times to Listen to Your Wife