How Your Daily Routine Can Strengthen Your Family

SSome days I feel like someone pushed a button that put me on autopilot when I'm doing the same thing over and over again every day. Of course, I'm the one who usually sets my daily routines in motion. But lately I've started thinking about her more. I realized that we live life either by plan or by design. When we live by mindless routine, we live by default. But when we live by intentional routine, which in itself is not necessarily a bad thing, we live more by intention. So we have to ask ourselves, "Am I designing my routines to be me-centered or my-family-centered?"

For example, if my morning routine consists of getting up, drinking coffee, and reading the news on my tablet, that's all fine. But when I add the extra expectation that no one should bother me, then I've created a routine that can hurt my family a little day in and day out. Our family life was full of routines. I try to get up every morning and make coffee for Susan. For many years when they were younger, I always took the kids to school before work. Other families have routines of tucking children into bed at night, reading to them, and praying with them. One of my friends always makes breakfast for the whole family every Saturday. When it's time to rethink your daily routine to see if it's helping your family, keep these 5 important factors in mind.

1. First things first.

Remember, the first things you do communicate what your priorities are. Your morning routine when you wake up, your routine when you get home from work, your routine when you pick up the kids from school, whenever you begin your interactions with your spouse, children, or co-workers, think about it what you communicate to them. Are you focused on connecting with family or on getting things done? Do you reach for the remote control or stare at your phone when you get home from work, or do you occupy yourself with your spouse and children? Are you ignoring your spouse or adjusting to how he or she is feeling that day? Do you go to the shed or garage or do you play with your kids or grandkids? Your presence communicates your priorities.

2. Words matter.

Think about the words you will say to your spouse or family on a regular basis. What are your verbal routines? For example, when you get home, you might find that your family had a great day, or maybe their day was even worse than yours. If your first words are always harsh, impatient, inconsiderate, or demanding, you may pave the way for a rough night—or a rough life if it becomes a habit. On the other hand, saying “I love you” to your family every night before bed creates a routine that becomes a memory and a legacy.

3. Build in space.

Maybe somewhere in your everyday life you need some space to switch off. However, taking a few moments to engage with your spouse or children, wherever they are in the house, at least means they are a priority for you. If you need some space, check in first. If you can, make a few minutes with them the first priority for your arrival. Don't just go into the cave by default.

4. A heads up helps.

Establishing a routine for checking in with your spouse can be especially helpful. If the day has been long or you're struggling with something that makes you cranky, let your spouse know on the way home. A polite message like "Hey, I need a few minutes to sort myself out when I get home. Loving you!" makes your spouse less inclined to assume the worst. It also gives him or her a chance to let you know if he or she is also struggling, or to think ahead of time about how he or she can encourage you .

5. Helping helps.

If you're not used to asking your spouse after work what you can help with at night, consider doing so. It may not be possible or practical every day, but building a reputation for helping with the kids, cooking, or chores will make your daily routines more productive for them and for you. If you never or rarely try to help with anything, your spouse is likely to feel lonely, isolated, frustrated, and unimportant.

Routines can be great, but they shouldn't be crutches. Don't let your routines rule you, but use them to affirm to your spouse and children that you love them, appreciate them, and want to serve their needs as well.

What routines have you adopted to strengthen your marriage or family? Share a comment below.

By: How Your Daily Routine Can Strengthen Your Family