7 Musts for Your Marriage
Source: 7 Musts for Your Marriage
TThere’s a growing trend for couples to personalize their wedding day from personal vows to unique settings, but there are still two elements that are common to many. First, “Here Comes the Bride” is played as she makes her special entrance for the service. And then there’s reading some very familiar words that can actually set the stage for a successful marriage.
When someone inserts a passage from the Bible into their marriage ceremony, it is likely to be what is often referred to as an “abbreviation.” The love chapter in the book of 1 Corinthians.
Even people unfamiliar with the Scriptures will recognize the words. In chapter 13, verses 4-7 of this book it says: “Love is patient, love is kind. It doesn’t envy, it doesn’t boast, it doesn’t pride itself. It is not rude, it is not selfish, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but delights in truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always endures.”
Hanging on the wall, these words could be a bright reminder of your special day. Hanging in your hearts, they can be a roadmap to a rich future. We’re usually told to avoid it always and never because they are unhelpful absolutes, but not in this case. This inspirational passage offers wise do’s and don’ts for a meaningful, enriching marriage. Let’s look at seven of them.
1. Don’t be selfish.
Most of us like to think of ourselves as nice people, considerate and even caring, but the reality is that we are all born with a selfish bent. Nothing makes that more obvious than spending your life in close proximity to someone else. Rather than looking after your own interests, focus on how you can help your spouse and children be more loving and generous. A good place to start is with yourself.
2. Don’t get angry easily.
Identify the things that give you a knee-jerk reaction and try to understand what is going on. These 3 ways to get to the bottom of anger can help. It’s probably not so much what your spouse actually said or did, but a hurt or unresolved issue that’s bubbling up inside you. So don’t take it out on them. Biting their tongues is better than biting their heads off. I’ve written about taking patience out of my own struggles in this area.
3. Don’t keep a record of injustice.
Some couples seem to see their relationship as a bit of a business deal — a series of deals. This type of thinking can encourage you to focus on what they’re doing or not doing to keep their end of the bargain, rather than what you’re offering. But marriage is not a 50/50 partnership; You have to give everything… give 100%. Tear up that mental list of the ways they let you down. Choose to forgive. My blog Forgiveness: It’s Not What You Think it will guide you through the forgiveness process.
4. Always protect.
Think of your marriage as a field. To reap a rich harvest, you need to take care of them, not just watering and tilling, but protecting them from pests and other threats. Like insects, small things can do a lot of damage if left untreated. Are you careful not to let dissatisfaction or temptation take hold? Pay attention to negative external influences. Eternal vigilance is the price of a good marriage. Read how to protect your marriage from online infidelity.
5. Always trust.
One couple I know included a promise in their vows that I like: “We will assume each other’s best intentions.” Remember, even if you’re at odds, you’re on the same team, not the opponent . Believing the best of and in each other is a helpful perspective when there are disagreements, perhaps even harsh words; it pulls you together instead of pushing you apart. And if your reaction to all of this is, “Well, trust has to be earned,” I would ask, “What do you do to earn your spouse’s trust?”
6. Always hoping.
Right actions are important in marriage, but attitude is also crucial. If you don’t believe things can get better, chances are they won’t because you’re turning a blind eye to the possibilities and opportunities. Forget that your wedding glass is half empty when you feel like it, or even half full. Instead, focus on pouring more of yourself into the glass to fill it up. Reading about these 4 marriage myths to bust will help you put things in perspective.
7. Always persevere.
A wedding is about saying “yes, I do” one day. Marriage is about saying “Yes, I do” every day, rain or shine, good or bad. You promised, you made a commitment. Every marriage will face its challenges, that goes without saying. You need to keep pushing inward and forward. It takes intention and effort. There are worlds between resigned staying together and growing together.
What do you think of these dos and not as a basis for a good marriage? Which do you find easier? Which are more difficult and why? Share your thoughts and experiences here.
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